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Just this week: A siting of Roshi Bob has been reported in Janesville,
WI. |
Over
the past four months a mysterious man on what appears to be a
quasi-religious quest has been seen traveling through bus stations
in the country's middle north constantly conversing with people
he doesn't even know. Leading authorities have called this behavior
"bizarre" and (according to a few) suspicious.
Anyway, upon further investigation it was reported the man claimed
never to have watched tv and, when asked, had no idea what "The
Survivor" or who Seinfeld was. Right away, back in Passaic
County in the Mother Country, we knew this had to have been our
own Roshi Bob.
Thinking back, the story of Roshi's disappearance is a little
quirky.
What happened was, there came a moment when Roshi Bob became
completely fed up with what our American thing had developed
(or devolved) into. A society wherein buying things had become
the apotheosis of happiness --as well as being a duty. What would
Socrates have thought? Or Tom Paine?
So one day our Bob decided to melt into the woodwork. In fact,
he took leave of the census and disappeared.
Picture the scene: Roshi Bob walking a New Jersey sidewalk on
Haledon Ave. just across the Paterson line. At his quick and
steady pace he'd been beating cars from light to light when,
allofasudden, he stopped dead.
What was up? Had he, like Saul, been knocked off his horse and
blind-sided by the Tao --only this time not on the road
to Damascus, but on a Passaic County street right in front of
a pair of golden arches?
In a newly released tape Bob is heard to say that in that instant,
glancing up at the billions-sold sign, his life passed before
him as if he'd just been handed undeniable proof there was no
god and we were definitely on our own. Whereupon our lucky guru
suffered an acute infinity attack and decided on the spot that
he had to know more about Souix Falls. So he lept a westbound
Greyhound diesel and simply evaporated in a cloud of oil-scented
bluegray fumes.
After all these years this Roshi report is welcome and exciting
news for desperate optimists everywhere. |
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